the problem with art

it is instinctual for me to create. i didn't realize this for a long time, but by the time i was in high school, we started having career sampler days or whatever you call it. i had to fill out some kind of interest sheet, and a few weeks later, i would attend presentations by among others, a man with strange buttons on his shirts whose 15 minutes was a one-time spot on hawaii 5-0. this was a mistake the first time, but the next year i filled the form out again, and was with the hawaii 5-0 guy again. so i made it to college with no clue on what i wanted to study or what i had any talent, passion and/or interest in doing. here, i would take personality compatibility tests, career interest tests, and the like. the result was that i was apparently supposed to do something like flower arranging, nursing, or filing things away.

up until only the last few years of my decade in and out of college did i hit on studying art, because i did it anyway, and i could think of no other area of study i'd be willing to make a career out of. so, yesterday in the mail, i receive a community college catalog for summer classes, and nothing is of interest. i still haven't found what i want to do when i grow up. then, does this way of thinking work for me? it's like to old expectation of going into a business in the early twenties, doing that for several decades, then miraculously retiring for a life of leisure. bad dream, that one. i don't know where to go next.

i love creating, i love to teach it to others, i love nature and the outdoors. what i don't love is trying to make money out of it. the art fair has been an interesting way for me to put work i've already made out there and have people look at it, like a roving gallery exhibition. when it comes to things i care a lot about, i carry passion, but i am also shy because with this there is vulnerability. being out there with the art up has done this - it's sort of filtered out of a general crowd true enthusiasts for the art and its process and journey. this has created wonderful conversations, explanations, relationships that would have not have happened without me getting somewhat organized, taking a deep breath, and just doing it. the individuals i have sold work to seem so pleased to have found the art object of their desire, and as they leave, they are often smiling content. i try to think about the future of these events, with their intensive and often stressful set-ups, unknowable traffic flows, and the nature of what is being offered.

so here's something - i'm afraid of showing in galleries. the reasons, they have to do with access to original art. i want to make beautiful things, then offer them to people affordably. in the gallery, it seems almost nothing is affordable to the non-art collector. i've heard it said that art is more valued if one has paid considerably for it. but i disagree. i negotiated with someone this weekend who really loved a print of mine, but couldn't afford it for what i was asking. and you know, it made me happy to see her leave with it with what she could pay, knowing how much future the art and its viewer had together, the interactions, thoughts leading to new thoughts, new perspectives from time to time, originating from the image. these prints are valued by those who wish to buy them, and am i grateful to my few but devoted patrons.